


we need a little heart hope

by tigermochaeyu



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Beginnings, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigermochaeyu/pseuds/tigermochaeyu
Summary: chaeyoung is so, so tired.





	we need a little heart hope

**Author's Note:**

> RESPECT YOUR IDOLS DAMMIT THEY'RE PEOPLE TOO
> 
> Also I didn't proofread this because I suck
> 
> Title comes from Heart Hope by Oh Wonder

Her body is starting to hurt from staying in the same position for so long, sitting on the step leading to the balcony, the rooftop just barely covering her from the rain pounding against the concrete. She doesn’t want to move, doesn’t think she could find the energy to even try if she wanted to, so she lets the splash of raindrops hitting the ground wash over her, her eyes watching over Seoul with a new sense of disdain.

There’s a fog looming in the air due to the previous warmth in the air, the clouds hanging low over the taller buildings, and it’s hard to see further than a half mile away. She shouldn’t be out here, she should be inside where she won’t get sick and possibly become a burden to the group. But all she wants is to sit here, wallow in her thoughts, wonder when she started resenting becoming an idol.

She knows, really, when it started. When she couldn’t go outside without someone putting a camera in her face. When she started becoming the member least likely to stand out. When she started realizing that there are so many things in her life that she wants to do but can’t do because of her popularity. Like go to the park or an aquarium and just be a regular person without worrying about her every move affecting her future.

It’s a weight heavy in her chest, one that’s been there for a while, and she knows if she sits here with her thoughts for too long she’ll come to a conclusion she shouldn’t, her thoughts will spiral, and so will she. But she doesn’t move, has no plans to, and lets herself drown in the rain and her own regret.

The glass door behind her slides open, but she doesn’t bother looking. She knows whoever it is is going to scold her for sitting out in the rain and bring her inside. She knows that it’ll only momentarily bury her thoughts, being with her members, but she doesn’t know if she wants them gone yet. It’s a surprise (whether its a welcome one or not, she doesn’t know) when whoever opened the door shuts it quietly, sits beside her, sighs softly.

“I love the rain too,” Nayeon says beside her, and she has to hold back a scoff because of course, _of course_ it had to be Nayeon to come out here, to sit beside her, to comfort her. Of course it had to be the only member who can get into her head and heart faster than she herself can. “Why bother getting wet though? You know you could just watch it from inside.”

“I need the reminder,” Chaeyoung says flatly, it comes out more hostile than she would have liked. But Nayeon isn’t deterred, and she can see the older girl watching her in her peripherals. She refuses to look at Nayeon, knows she’ll break if she does, so she continues to look at the clouded buildings nearby. “That this is real.”

Nayeon must know that she doesn’t mean it in a good way, that she doesn’t mean to try and convince herself that this isn’t the good kind of dream. Because Nayeon knows, knows more than anyone else would, what she’s feeling. She herself isn’t nearly as popular as Nayeon, the ‘face of their group’ for fuck’s sake, how could her pain and regret even compare to what Nayeon would feel in this position.

“It sucks, doesn’t it?” Nayeon states more than she asks, her sigh visible in the cool, wet air as she turns to look out onto the city. “Feeling like a caged animal, like a monkey in the zoo. People come to look, are excited to see you, but poke and prod at the glass if you’re not doing what they want to see. They came to see the monkey eat a banana, but the monkey is so tired, it just wants to sleep. The monkey is always so fucking tired..”

She looks to Nayeon then, because she could hear the barely there crack in her voice at the end of her sentence. Nayeon scoffs slightly, shaking her head as she looks down to her hands, playing with her fingers. “The monkey doesn’t belong in a cage, yet there it is.”

She knows, in that moment, that her worries are understood, that her anxiety and regret and pain are understood and felt and it fills her with more relief than she realized she could feel. Just the simple realization that someone actually _understands_ fills her with the slightest bit of hope, enough to say, “At least the monkey as friends.”

Nayeon laughs breathily, shaking her head with a small smile on her face as she looks Chaeyoung in the eyes, the smallest but most genuine of smiles painted on her lips. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. When did you get so smart?”

“When I started listening to you,” it’s out of her mouth before she can stop it, but it must have been the right thing to say. Nayeon’s smile becomes more tender, filled with a gentle sense of admiration and gratitude as she looks at the shorter girl. Her head falls onto Chaeyoung’s shoulder, fingers tracing down the shorter girl’s forearm until the meet her fingers, intertwining loosely but enough for Chaeyoung to realize that they both _need_ this.

“I know you’re having these same thoughts,” Nayeon says quietly, thumb tracing the back of Chaeyoung’s palm in a way that brings her back down to earth, that soothes the storm in her mind. “And I want you to know that you aren’t alone. Not physically, because that’s what everyone wants to tell you. That you’re surrounded by people that love you and all of that bullshit. But that I get it, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” Chaeyoung nearly whispers in response, holds Nayeon’s hand just a bit tighter to show the gratitude that she can’t seem to voice. Nayeon understands, squeezes her hand back, nuzzles a little further into the crook of her neck. Chaeyoung ignores the pounding in her chest at the feeling.

“I also know we’re having the same thoughts about some other things,” Nayeon hums against her shoulder, and Chaeyoung, for the first time since Nayeon has sat beside her, reacts. Her body seems to freeze up, worried that her feelings have been much more transparent than she realized, but her muscles are coerced to relax by the low chuckle that passes through Nayeon’s lips.

Those same lips press softly against the skin of Chaeyoung’s cheek, much longer than necessary or to deem friendly, and when she retreats Chaeyoung’s head turns so that her eyes can meet Nayeon’s own. “We’re taking this slowly, though. Our lives are built around the fast paced nature of the music industry, and this is something I want to savor. Something I want to cherish.”

A dumb smile makes its way onto Chaeyoung’s lips, the knot in her chest loosening, the weight a little less heavy to bear when Nayeon looks at her like she’s the sunshine on this rainy day. Her only response is to nod, the heat in her cheeks increasing when Nayeon smiles back, brings their hands up to kiss the back of Chaeyoung’s hand.

“Now lets go inside, Jihyo will kill us if we get sick.”

Chaeyoung laughs, and the knot is gone, the weight doesn’t exist, not with her hand in Nayeon’s as she pulls her off the floor, as they’re flooded with warmth from inside the dorm, when Nayeon pulls her into a tight hug. Her arms wrap instinctually around Nayeon’s waist, savoring the moment of feeling like a normal person for the first time in years. A normal person with feelings for someone, a normal person who’s feelings are reciprocated.

Lips are pressed against her forehead, kind words are muttered against her skin, and for the first time in years she knows she isn’t a burden, knows that her dreams are worth the sacrifice, knows she isn’t alone. For the first time in years, she can breathe.


End file.
